Is there Purpose in Perfection?

The definition of purpose is "something set up as an object or end to be attained: intention, resolution, or determination."

When you think of your purpose in life, where does your mind go? Do you know where you see yourself in 20 years? How about 40? I know this might feel like a distant thought, but as we age, especially when we hit 40-50, you begin to think back on the things you’ve achieved (at least that’s what I think people at those ages do, lol). What purpose did you serve? What goals did you attain? And so on and so forth.

When I think about my own purpose, there are so many things I’m unsure of. Some of it is because I’m still in the early stages of life, but other times, I feel paralyzed by the fear of what the future holds. The thought of all I could accomplish—or fail to even try—often makes me uncomfortable. What I do know for sure is that I want to be successful, I want to keep writing, and I want to have a family.

That looming pressure of what’s to come has turned me into a self-diagnosed perfectionist. And when I say perfectionist, I literally mean someone who refuses to accept anything less than excellence. And let me tell you, my standards for that are pretty high.

This constant need for everything to be “perfect” has seeped into so many aspects of my life, often affecting my mental health. As a young black woman, I often times feel like I’m falling short—especially when I compare myself to my peers, friends, or family (and yes, I know what they say about comparison…), but the result? I put even more pressure on myself to be perfect.

But here’s the problem about my idea of perfection: its predisposition [tendency] to often supersede [replace] what’s actually accessible in my life. OKAYYY!! Big words, but what exactly do I mean by this? stay with me. I view perfection as producing results that, deep down, I know will never be realistic. And because of that, I fall short and then criticize myself—even though I knew from the start those results weren’t attainable. Some of you might think, “Why not just set lower standards?” But the problem is, I can’t seem to do that. And that's how I get stuck in what feels like a never-ending cycle of hopelessness and ‘failure’.

This is something I’m still working through, so bear with me (we’ll probably circle back to this topic eventually), but sometimes, perfection feels like the only option. My brain tells me that if I’m not the best, it means others are better than me—not in an envious way, but more that I don’t measure up to others if I’m not meeting those standards. I feel like being “perfect” is the only way I’ll achieve everything I want in life.

But here’s the reality: no one is perfect. No one has ever been (except Jesus)!! It’s okay to want the best for ourselves, who wouldn’t? However, sometimes “the best” looks different than we imagine. Sometimes, “the best” is failure or disappointment. Sometimes it actually looks like perfection, and other times, it just means doing better than you did last time.

Recently, I’ve been challenged in my thinking. It’s been a transformative and exhilarating process because I’ve found more peace. My brain isn’t constantly battling itself, focusing on where I’m falling short. Instead, I’m acknowledging and taking pride in my successes, and that shift has been beautiful.

So, to sum it up: yes, there is purpose in striving for perfection, but we have to redefine what perfection means. Being "perfect" is unrealistic, but being the best versions of ourselves is achievable—and in the eyes of some, that is just perfect.

So in the very very wise words of my 10-year-old self’s favvvvv: “Nobody’s Perfect!!” -Hannah Montana!

I am definitely still jamming out to that song because why not, but the lyrics really sum up everything I’ve stated here. Everybody makes mistakes and that’s truly okay. Just keep going because even with all your flaws you are so imperfectly perfect. And if no one else can be proud of you, I am!

Okay guys soooo, what did you think of today’s read? Do you agree with my thoughts on perfection? Have you ever heard that song, lol ? Let me know in the comments!

with love,

Lailah